playing bad

losing so much is starting to make me play bad. not horrible, but little things where if i was winning, i would not be doing.

for example, i just had this hand:

Ultimate Bet
No Limit Holdem Ring game
Blinds: $1./$2.
4 players
Converter


Stack sizes:
UTG: $197
Button: $619.50
SB: $363.75
Hero: $336.85


Pre-flop: (4 players) Hero is BB with :kd :ad
UTG raises to $7, Button calls, SB calls, Hero raises to $35, UTG folds, Button calls, SB folds.


Flop: :kc :9h :8h ($84, 2 players)
Hero bets $80, Button calls.


Turn: :2h ($244, 2 players)
Hero checks, Button bets $110, Hero raises all-in $221.85, Button calls.


River: :6d ($687.7, 1 player + 1 all-in - Main pot: $687.7)



Results:
Final pot: $687.7
Hero shows Kd Ad
Button shows Jh 4h

my play was good/standard pre flop and on the flop. my read is this guy would call any two suited cards pre flop and on the flop with any pair or any straight or flush draw.

on the turn, my plan was to check and fold if he bet. the reason is there arent many worse hands that will call if i push, he has a flush a lot, and he will check behind with hands like 9sTh, JhTs, and probably KsJh.

but when he bet, i convinced myself he could be bluffing or have KsJh type hands. sometimes he will, but this particular player has a flush too much of the time for me to profitably continue in the hand.

i should have folded, but losing so many hands caused some short circuits in my brain, and made me "gamble" on the small chance i had the best hand.

i wanted to win so bad, i actually gambled instead of playing logically...wow.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i am fucking fed up with poker right now. the number of pots i am losing is way out of line. it certainly can be just bad luck, but it's getting insane.

every time i have a set, someone has a straight. if i have a straight, someone hits a better hand on the river. if i have an overpair, someone hits a set...etc blablabla

for the first time ever, i might lose all the money i have on the main poker site i play. im not giving up on poker, after all ive made several 10s of thousands playing it despite the latest streak, but i think i'll just give up playing that site.

recently i withdrew my balance to $3k there, and with these losses it is down to $700 now. so either take the rest out, and play another site, or make my second-ever deposit (beside the $50 i put up 2 years back...).

folding

today i'm no longer a folding KK virgin. i feel like telling it fairy-tale like, so this is how it went down...

it was a $400 buy in online 6 handed game, and a weak-tight tag player with full $400 stack raised utg (first position). there was a short-stacked caller (maybe $160 stack) in late position, and i reraised to $60. the guy in front of me instantly cold calls the $60 with about $80 left (lol), and action is back on mr. weak tight.

without hesitation, he 4-bets it up to about $150. i actually forgot what hand i had, and thought, "damn...he has aces." then i see the late position player move all in.
action is back on me, and as i'm impulsively sliding my mouse to the "fold" button, i look back at my cards to see i have pocket kings. for 20 seconds i hesitate between push and fold, then i realize i need to go with my read so i fold.
the player behind me calls, and after the 5 cards come down, the weak-tighty shows the AA.

it was a kick-ass feeling to make such a big lay down and be right about it. later on, i made another big fold and was right. folding is such a rush!

seriously though, making reads like these and acting on them (not just folding but also bluffing, calling, etc.) involves intense concentration; a lack of impulsiveness...and it's this lazy, grinding, mentality that's keeping from me becoming an expert player.